Lessons We Learn from the Homosexual: Surrender
There is only one option for the homosexual who wishes to follow Christ: Surrender. And guess what? It's the same for you!
Surrender is the hardest and most crucial thing in the Christian walk. Truly, wholly, continually to surrender. It's also the easiest (remember that complexity thing...see, simple). We cannot deal with the things with which we must deal. The homosexual cannot deal with his or her homosexuality. That is why so many end up leaving the faith or compromising it. If what we hear God saying is "This is bad - deal with it", then of course we are at a loss. We can't.
In my journey out of homosexuality, I have had to surrender many things: my sexual urges, my romantic feelings, my sense of inadequacy, past attractions or unhealthy relationships, my own drive to fix things, my feelings or beliefs about who am I. On and on it goes.
And the frustrating part? It's continual. If I am stressed, for instance, an old feeling may surface. "But wait," say I, "I've surrendered that to Christ, what's it doing here, I must not have really done it, I'm a sham, I'm a bad Christian, I'll never be used by God!" But it's just one more thing to surrender: our thoughts of how it should go. Surrender is a continual process. Every time you surrender something, it gets easier, but it's not guaranteed to be the last time. You must surrender it every time it returns.
We can do nothing on our own. We NEED God to take all of the seeming contradictory COMPLEXITY we experience and order and juggle and create with it. He's good at that. It's what He does.
What do you need to surrender? Your striving? Your insecurities? Your old patterns? Your worldly wisdom? Your creativity? Your job? Your finances? Your future? Your past?
Come before our Friend. Breathe in deeply and feel Him all around you, feel Him with His hand upon your head, in the small of your back. See Him before you, hanging on His cross.
This is where it happens. Hold out that handful of tangled, distinct emotions and fears. Bring them to Him at the foot of the cross and tell Him that they are His and no longer yours. Lift them up, and press them into the hole in His side. He has taken them. He has and is dying for your sins and burdens. Press each one into His side and watch it disappear in the agony of the Passion.
"You are free, child. Live through me. Leave it to me."
And be ready to surrender each burden again in the knowledge that it has been already taken.