Were you ever really gay to begin with?

Oh, yes. Yes.

Most gay activists who hear that I am post-gay reply that I was never really gay to begin with. I understand this position. If you accept as a foundational truth that homosexuality is unchangeable, than this is the only real option to explain my heterosexuality.

Let me assure you now that I was gay. For as long as I can remember, I was very very gay. I was absolutely disgusted (almost physically so) by female anatomy. I was obsessed with the male body. In fact, by 21, I viewed all men first and foremost by their bodies and sex appeal. I felt an intense romantic longing for male love. I participated in two homosexual relationships, one of which was very physical. My homosexuality was a bedrock of my identity.

I was gay.

"OK, then, you're not really straight now."

Wrong again. Now I long for romantic female love. I find myself fascinated with the female body. There is no hint of homosexuality in my identity.

Do I never find myself lingering over a man, real or imaginary? No, sometimes I do still fantasize about male sexuality. But there is no gay reaction when I do. It's very hard to explain, but I am intensely aware of the needs behind these mental flirtations. They are simply a desire to be attractive, strong, and protected. Most people don't change completely overnight -- in any way. Sexuality is such a basic part of your self that it is only realistic to expect lingering effects from over 2 decades of homosexuality. The truth, though, is that I am fully and foundationally heterosexual, just as I once was fully and foundationally gay.